I remember telling one of my clients one day to make sure that they weren’t spending too much time trying to make the wrong person right for them because it meant that the right person wouldn’t have a chance to find them.
Again this week I’ve had to remind someone else of this and it makes me sad to see anyone hung up on a person who isn’t giving them the love and affection they so desire from them. Even worse is when they’re still in a relationship with that person and are trying to force it to make the pieces fit. But just like a jigsaw, only the right pieces fit together. It’s all very well trying to be on the same page but when you’re not even in the same book it’s not going to work out.
Unless both partners really want to make it work then often these relationships run their course and this is when people often come to me. They will ask what went wrong, why weren’t they good enough but it’s not a case of not being good enough, it’s a case of that ex-partner not being the right person for you!
Givers and Takers
Very often in these kinds of unbalanced relationships there will be 2 distinct sides, there will be a giver and a taker. The giver very often puts their all into the relationship, trying to make it work, expressing their love often and making the first move most times such as arranging a date, sending a text, making a new suggestion. The taker will enjoy the attention and lap it up without having to put much effort in return.
However, after some time the giver will start to get burnt out, they will wonder why they’re making all the moves, putting in all the effort and often when they try to communicate they are fobbed off by the taker as being silly or over-emotional. This then leads to the giver being hurt and resentment is created.
Wanting the Same Thing
Once the giver takes a step back the taker will often perk up wondering where the attention has gone to. In this moment they will start to reassure the giver, give them hope and lure them back into a secure situation all the while knowing that as soon as the giver goes back to their usual role they will just sit back and relax as before.
Sadly this cycle will often repeat itself until one side or both just can’t make it work in the long term and this leads to what’s known as on/off relationships. They usually feel like they’re having breakthroughs when in reality they’re just starting the cycle all over again.
So Why Does this Happen?
The problem here is that both parties want different things, they cannot immediately find that in one another so they try and make it fit as best they can. But you cannot ram a square peg in a round hole. Just as you can’t make someone fall in love with you nor you love the wrong person.
I am asked then why do these relationships even happen? What purpose do they serve in life and why did the universe decide to bring together 2 people who weren’t right for one another? It’s simple, this was a life lesson, a time in your life where you can work out what it is you want from someone. It’s also a way to bring the right person into your life, you know what’s not worked for you so you can avoid that in the future.
By looking back and understanding why things don’t work you can always make sure to get things right the next time and make sure that your next true love will be the right fit for you!